SATAN REBUFFED

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.. So Satan walked up to the man and said,

"Do you know who I am ?'"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me ?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope," said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 62 years"

THE SCARE CURE

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What the hell is the matter with you?!", the older doctor demanded.

"Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children, and seven grandchildren, and you told her she's pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing, and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"