BOB HOPE IN HEAVEN

ON TURNING 70 -- "You still chase women, but only downhill."

ON TURNING 80 -- “That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90 -- “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100 --"I don’t feel old. In fact … I don’t feel anything until noon. Then … it"s time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING -- “I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR -- “Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover’" ON GOLF -- “Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS -- “ I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER -- “When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham."

" ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL -- “I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY"S EARLY POVERTY -- “Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS -- “That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES -- “I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me."

ON GOING TO HEAVEN -- “I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter … on a technicality."