BOB HOPE IN HEAVEN
ON TURNING 70 -- "You still chase women, but only downhill."
ON TURNING 80 -- “That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."
ON TURNING 90 -- “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
ON TURNING 100 --"I don’t feel old. In fact … I don’t feel anything until noon. Then … it"s time for my nap."
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING -- “I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them."
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR -- “Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover’"
ON GOLF -- “Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."
ON PRESIDENTS -- “ I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER -- “When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham." "
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL -- “I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."
ON HIS FAMILY"S EARLY POVERTY -- “Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS -- “That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES -- “I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me."
ON GOING TO HEAVEN -- “I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter … on a technicality."
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